DAMN, it's been a whilleeeee over a year since LAST YEAR'S diet
I'm 15 now yee
pls, I know that nobody is ever going to see this blog but what I did last year was terribly unhealthy and non-achievable. I'm pretty mad at myself for idolizing eating disorders and behaviors because it does no good to anyone.
I had completely forgotten about this blog until I was stalking my google account today! Like I mentioned back in March, I lost about 16 lbs. which is a huge improvement. I still have not missed a day of counting my calories, and I'm about 140 pounds right now! (started at 170 in August 2019)
This year has been a crazy roller coaster ride for everyone. Covid happened, we all had to adapt to a new lifestyle at home, masks, everything shut down, etc.
In quarantine from the end of March to the beginning of July, I strictly ate 1500 calories a day with a few cheat days. This is definitely not recommended for everyone, but I liked the calorie counting process, so this time I did research on the nutrition I needed to keep my body healthy. Of course, doctors recommend choosing healthier food options in order for people to lose weight effectively, but I never had the willpower to do this alone. I craved to see exact numbers.
Since I was always at home, it was much easier to have a daily schedule, and my new eating habits settled in quicker. Somehow I gathered the determination to slowly transition into new meal routines, which helped my goals become attainable. The sudden transition into eating smaller amounts of food in August was not easy because I didn't allow myself to get used to anything.
Slowly throughout the spring and summer, I shed over 20 pounds of unwanted fat. I decided to include my family in my journey due to last year's consequences. My mom, who is also struggling with her own self-image, felt inspired. My confidence grew and I began replacing my ugly old clothes with new items using my own money. (I got a job in June)
I lost my period for a while, which was ok, so I started eating a little more. My lowest weight was 135.6 lbs and I'm currently fluctuating between 139-140. (I haven't been exercising that much bc of school and the winter lol)
I've been maintaining my weight for a while! Of course, I still eat less than the amounts I normally consumed last December, and I still calculate my calories. Since it isn't beneficial for me to lose weight anymore (bc I lost my period, but I got it back again in Sept.) I pretty much eat whatever I want, 2-3 times a day, around 1800 calories. I've been estimating a lot lately lmao
Yeah, so I successfully lost weight!
Of course, I made mistakes. Social mistakes.
In quarantine, I set my goals, hoping that they'd be attainable. I cut all of my friends off so I could come back to school & dance and surprise everyone. LET ME TELL YOU that YES, everyone was surprised. I basically went inactive on my social media for months, even during the BLM protests and riots in June. This was a large mistake. I literally have no friends and my confidence is beginning to spiral downward. Yes, I have cute clothes. Yes, I'm proud of what I've done this past year. But I still feel unnoticed and invisible because I thought that looks were everything.
I still worry about how much I'm supposed to eat, I feel shitty when I don't exercise, and I'm terrified of weight gain. It's almost like I've lost control of my habits. When I followed my strict meal plan, I felt happy, even when I compared myself to other people's looks and their own eating habits. Now that there is more freedom with my food choices- it's hard to get used to anything.
This will probably be my last post on this stupid blog! If I die and people find this, do. not. attempt. This was only meant to be used as a semi-anonymous journal of my actions, and I do not intend to recommend any of this to anyone. PLEASE- If you decide to go on a diet, accept your body, inform the people around you, and do your research! nobody should be eating under 1500 calories a day, and maintaining the weight is the hardest step; there is no end to a "diet".
I recommend that you just eat whatever without a care in the world and learn to accept yourself. Loosing weight will not help your confidence very much; I still hate my body, and there is a lot of work that I need to do with myself.
I apologize for the clichéness of this blog :,) have a nice life
Do what you want. Get some good people to share your journeys. Mistakes are human. Life is about experiences; don't waste your time trying to make everything perfect.
-Kristy :)
