Hopeful Beginning Second Part

Yeah so anyway, I came back to America from the Czech Republic (Czechia, whatever) sad because I wasn’t able to loose any weight, and like I already said, seventh grade started off pretty good anyway. Throughout the year I was trying and trying to loose the extra fat on me, this time understanding what anorexia really was and how to loose weight right. Of course I didn’t make any progress just like the recent year, so I tried to once again, loose weight in the summer time. This year I was visiting the Czech Republic again with my sister, and I lost 0 lbs. But, when I arrived, my grandparents patted me on the back and claimed that I lost weight. I was pretty flustered, because I thought I gained more than lost. Anyway, they were wrong.

I remember buying a dress while I was there and promising myself to loose weight before a school dance so I would look good in it. Of course I continued my on and off diet, so I ended up gaining weight like a normal growing teenager, which ruined the night for me.i went to CZ with a diet plan, eventually failing.

I was forced to enter a terrible day camp while I stayed. I kept considering fasting the whole week since most of the time I would be under the supervision of non-family members.About halfway through the week, I decided I would not eat lunch. So I prepared a plastic bag to throw the food in occasionally when no one was watching. So we arrived at this restaurant and I purposely sat in a dark corner to avoid anyone seeing me.

At first I was excited while I watched videos explaining how anorexic people hid their food; by cutting it up, throwing it up afterward, and hiding it. I thought it would be easy. Unfortunately I tend to be kind of empathetic in some situations, so I felt really bad that I had to discard my food when the smiling waiters cheerfully handed me a bowl of soup and steaming spaghetti. Anyway, I threw at least half the plate into the bag little bits at a time and cut up my food into smaller bits and prices, and sadly handed the plate to the waitress who came by with a “thank you.” Oof
Yep so I ended the fast after that.

The rest of the year wasn’t so successful. I know I made a plan at the beginning so I could loose weight for ballet. This year in December we were preforming “The Nutcracker”, and it was my level’s turn to take the biggest roles. I was the Dewdrop Fairy in flowers and, although I didn’t know before the summer started, I was determined to not look like a potato 🥔 this year.

Since the show was taking place in about a week, I realized i really should do something to shed a couple pounds. I discovered “water fasting”, which was the quickest way I would be able to lose at most 10 pounds in a week. So I started eating as little as possible starting Monday that week. It was pretty easy; I just skipped breakfast, ate nothing at school, and since my family didn’t really eat dinner together that much, i quad something really small to show them I wasn’t doing anything wrong and lied about the rest of the day. I went to sleep, angry that I had the small snack in the afternoon. Tuesday; I started the same way, and then I had dance. My classes end at 8 pm, so I easily got away without eating. I was so proud of myself when I went to bed that night with an empty stomach. It was the longest I’ve ever gone without food. The next day I ate nothing, patting myself on the back after feeling the hungry happiness of my two day fast. Thursday = 0 cal. Three days without food!! Three days! It was the first time ever I greedily boasted to my friends.. who weren’t that impressed. One threatened that she’d tell my parents about this if I go without food for one more day. I didn’t listen to her, and the next day I didn’t eat... but as soon as I arrived home I tormented myself with food videos, and eventually had a spoonful of peanut butter. OH MY GOD that peanut butter was so good.... but if was nothing compared to Howe pissed off I was with myself. Anyway, the next day I didn’t have very much, an apple with more peanut butter. I lost 14 pounds; mostly water weight.
That weekend I ate like a pig, but I somehow didn’t gain any weight.

The day of the show arrived. You didn’t see much of a difference in my appearance, but after I watched all video of myself, I noticed a very slight difference in my abdomen.

Anyway, I ended gaining all the weight back.😵🤮😫😭

But in February, I discovered intermittent fasting. I tried doing it for 8 hours a day. Then more, then more. I liked it a lot, because you just had to skip a few meals and eat whatever you want but after a certain time.

Soon I did it for 18 hours a day. I would wake up, no breakfast, go to school, not eat lunch, and at 3 o’clock I could eat whatever I wanted until 9 pm.

I loved it so much. I lost weight slowly, but if was something. The only downside was the weekends. I woke up later, so my mom would make me eat breakfast. Then lunch would be at home, not at school. I decided to do it only on weekdays.

I’m fact, I remember my dance teacher sat down next to me and asked me if I’ve been eating. I answered yes, and she said “Ok, but I think you’ve lost some weight. I see a difference in the side of your face... it’s getting much thinner.”

That was the best comment I ever recipeved from anyone on the face of this earth.

But sadly after a month or two I wasn’t able Tom keep it going during a vacation and it ended.

☹️😫😭

Nothing, nothing, nothing. I tried another diet which failed. April, May, June. School ended, and another ballet recital came up. I’m was the Mad Hatter in Alice in the Wonderland. I was a colorful potato. (Lol)

I left for CZ again. No diets; I don’t want to go through the pain of having anything fail again. So now I’m here, writing this. Ok finally I finished my shoddy past!! New post to the present coming right up!