Day 1 AIT

Sooo!!!!

850 cal.

today went so well! i ate healthy food and did nOT overeat, which is GREAT. i didnt really try to exercise tho

AAAAA HIGH SCHOOL STARTS TOMORROW  NOOOO

Pre AIT/AIT in between day

okkkkkkk...... sooooo i realized that the ait diet HAS to start on a monday and the day after the 31st is Sunday




YEAHHHHHHH ONE more CHEAT DAYYEEE oof

Day 31 Pre AIT

CHEAT ITS my BIRTHDAYYYY!!!!!!!

im officially 14 yeet

skeet

FREEK

ok ive been sooo fll this past week because of all the cheat days i've taken. i think i may have gained like 20 lbs lol and im fckin bloatedfffff

i had a mellow bt fn birthday!! yeet

LAST DAY OF PRE AIT!!!!! (kinda lol)

Day 30 Pre AIT

i should have been fasting

cheat

i had y b-day party today

Day 29 Pre AIT

cheat

Day 28 Pre AIT

i cheated




CHEAT

Day 27 Pre AIT

AAAAAAA i cant stop


i had breakfast and then snack which added p to 400 bt then i st coldnt stop eating granola NOOOOO


i really adont want to throw p or anything...

i feel like ever since i kinda lost control over the eating i didn't weigh myself but i feel like i gained so ch weight AA WELP

Day 26 Pre AIT

600 cal. today

so i had a nice breakfast yeeeeeee only a couple more days till i'm dooone  with this month

i decided to keep my cheat day at the end of the month because it's my BiRthDaYyy on the 31st.

fnaekrlvh tgalk birpdayeeee

my mom is giving me a diet plan and i'm like BRO THE ONE I HAVE IS GRAT THX (bt she doesnt know about it)

u

u

u

u

u

u

ghhhhhh

i over ate again!!

i started guessing again... and i went too far... ghhhhhhhh

at least i didn't do too many... and its almost the end of the month😑 

Day 22, 23 Pre AIT

Day 23

OKK so i started eating most of my calories in the mornings so i burn them throughout the afternoon

today was 600!! my sister and mom and i drove p to maine for the weekend. i was so scared that we may stop for dinner somewhere on the way bt we got snacks @ a gas station so i said i wasn't hungry lolol it worked

the hotel was super nice

Day 24

OK THE REAL TEA BEGINS

so remember when i said my mom cold rin this whole thing for me?

SHE FOUND OT

so today was 400. we went out for breakfast, so i had a vegan bowl (literally fckin lettce with chickpeas) and then i had a protein bar. 400 done.

she was working the whole day so i didn't have to eat

THEn wE gO To jaPaNeSe resTAUranT

i was FREAKING HELL

i said i wasn't too hungry and we "shared" a plate of sushi, scallops, ect.

i had some sushi and left the table to spit it out. she bought it.

bt then she left 2 pieces of salmon and sushi for me. i tried telling her i wasn't hungry and that we could bring it back to the hotel room and that i'll eat it the next day, bt she got PISSED.

she told me if i don't eat it i'm going to be in BIG TROUBLE. i'm like oh shit

so i sat there and stared at the stupid sushi regretting all my life choices for like 15 minutes

i didn't end p eating it, we left

bt i convinced her that i was refusing to eat, so she yelled at me the rest of the night, threatened she'll pll me out of dance, send me to a treatment center, told my dad about it, showed me "proper meals," ect.

deep shit man

Day 24, 25 Pre AIT

Day 24

so as yall know, the night before was shit

thankfully i had 1000 cal. the next day. for breakfast i had a green smoothie bowl bt mom made me eat some of her sandwich which was tasty

bt i threw it all p in the hotel room so i could eat more

i had to show her that I'm FiNe

breakfast took p like fckin 600 cal.

i kinda had to assume most of the foods i ate and the # of cal. in each

i think i over ate that day i was pretty fll 

Day 25

ghghghghg

800 cal.

i definitely over ate

i had to assume more of my calories.

so the morning was ok i had about 200 cal. for breakfast

then we had lunch

i had some lobster and accidentally ate 2 plated of fckin sweet potato fries. shit aaaa

i had an extra cheat day so afterwards i st stopped following the calorie plan for that day lol

when we got home i was so hungry i had a brgr and maybe 2 chocolate bars brooooooo

then i exercised  (it felt really good)

for some reason i thought i would feel like shit after eating all that bt i felt really happy so ok then lol let's pretend that never happened!!

Day 20, 21 Pre AIT

AAAAAAA I WENT SO LONG WITHOT POSTING Im SORRY

ok so DAY 20

yeahhhhh im seeing results!!!! the fat on my thighs are decreasing and im getting a thigh gap!!!!

my belly fat is also going down yaaaa

my collarbones are mch more visible and my face is mch less rond as it used to beeee

so today was 1000!

i had marching band it was fnnnn

DAY 21

so 800

it was ok, i did good bt i had a chocolate bar (420 cal) in the morning oof

Day 19 pre AIT

hihellooooo

so today was 400!

i went to marching band camp! it is really fn and you have to exercise a lot in the sn so it was really hot ghhh

i had 1/2 an apple this morning and then beef w/ pasta 4 lnch then i ate some yasso fro yo and a few strawberries afterward

DAY 20 TOmORROW!! yeahhhhhhh

my workout was trash phvdgFbhakr

Day 18 Pre AIT

AAAAAAAgh the race SCKED

So i had to walk the whole way because i had to catch p with my mom gth

m

anyway, it was cool~! i ate under 600 cal bt i wasn't eating too healthy the race gave ys refreshments (fro yo pops and granola bars, ect.) so that's what i had...

Day 17 Pre AIT

halloo so today was 800!

i got a new bike for my birthday! it was from wally world bt its nice

i went to my friends birthday party today. OmG there was no healthy food there (except watermelon and grapes) ackkk i almost had cake and pizza but stopped myself

i did another good christian workout. acckc

tomorrow i'm running a race! its 7 miles

Day 16 Pre AIT

eep for breakfast i had 2 carrot + seaweed wraps (70 cal) applesauce (60 cal) and pre leaf tea (70 cal)

today is 1000

it was good i had a workout in the evening a good christian zumba dance thingy

Day 15 Pre AIT

So today is fasting

i think i gained 10 lbs after yesterday but i afraid to weigh myself

i had ballet class..... STILL SORE

Day 14 Pre AIT

SPPP

So i had icecream for breakfast! i felt so sick after😷

i made a hella lotta sugar cookies! saving the for my birthday lol

then i had pizzaaaaaaa yummymmy 

i went to an aerial yoga class im so sore😓

Day 13 Pre AIT

hellooooo today is fasting!

i had a workout this morning and i have dance later today

9:34
oh y gwaaaaahhhd y afternoon workout was so intense i almost started crying

the fast wasn't so hard! it's harder to count calories and stop eating actually

i so excited for tomorrow's cheat day i gonna order soe papa ginos

Day 12 Pre AIT

Hihello


so i spent the whole day at home, blew all 400 calories i the morning😓

i went for a walk and did this CRAZY 1 hr workout GOD i think my muscles are bruised

Day 11 Pre AIT

lol i had the best breakfast ever!!

20 cal. carrot wrap + 15 calories of dried seaweed= delicious guilt free

6:23
hiiii i did y workot this orning and we are going to have a dance partyyyyy yay i ate 485 cal. today so far

ok i had ore food so i done for food today😝

Day 10 Pre AIT

YEET DAY 10 IT'S A mILESTONE

800 cal. today

I'm going to a birthday party and a science fair so I BETTER NOT EAT ANY CRAP

my parents are getting e a new bike for my birthday and I am excitedddddd more calories to burn yeah

Wow I did a crazy 1 hr dance workout! It was really fun and I burned up to 900.calories!

A the party’s had 300 cal worth of fruits and carrots then I had seaweed and pad Thai, then I let myself have some hot chocolate. 😭😭 well, I burned the 60 calories just now so I think I’m good😂

I WANT

Day 9 Pre AIT

So I went for a bike ride! It was really fun AND I BURNED AT LEAST 1000 CALORIES!!! Then we went to Wendy's and I got a salad (it was really good and only 240 cal) and then chugged a bunch of diet soft drinks. (they are really bad for you but whatever) OG they had like every soda in existence on that machine it was so cool (y favorite was strawberry vanilla diet Dr pepper and vanilla diet root beer)

I had thai soup for breakfast and a fck ton of seaweed as a snack (WE HAVE SO muCH AND THEY ARE LIKE 15 CAL) and some other food then i had 35 in. of cardio and muscle building later that night

Day 8 Pre AIT

8:01am

AAAAAAAA Im SO PISSED OFF

Yesterday I was supposed to eat 600 calories bt I ate 800 cal thinking 600 was TODAY NOOOOE

Also I didn't do ch cardio I didn't have time to go for a walk.... AAAAAAHHHH

Ok so today I'm having 400 and tomorrow is I think fasting

No tomorrow is 1000 and next round in fasting ok nv


So I forgot to write more yesterday lol

So I had some mango salsa and guacamole for lunch, and then for dinner I ate tom kha soup.

I exercised in the morning and @night. EEp

Day 7 Pre AIT

7:28 am

I made a high protein breakfast for y family this morning! They were happy

I haven't eaten anything today yet, and I should probably exercise😁

8:39 pm

So for lunch i had greek salad (130 cal) then i had more food and i did exercise twice which brings e to 350 cal. Now ical eat alot because i stil;; have calories left😉

Day 6 Pre AIT

Sorry i did day 6 yesterday and i forgot to post

i snacked a lot so i wasn't sure if i went over 800 cal, bt i stopped at what i thought was 700

i did a crazy thigh workout! It hurt like hell

i also did an intense 30 min. upper body workout after the thighs

i walked around my neighborhood a total of 6 times for cardio and did a light workout in the morning

okkkk and i cooked for my family a lot which i enjoyed😀

my mom is becoming very suspicious of me because she doesn't see when i eat and i keep exercising

ok byee

Day 5 Pre AIT

8:18 pm

So I got back home safely!

Today i had exactly 956 cal. (really close to 1000!!) and I did a workout st now (some cardio, weight lifting, walking, planks, legs, and abdomen exercises)

It is so good to be home! It'll be easier to avoid unhealthy food because of my mother who is a health nt, and also Cape Cod is so much better than CZ😏 (sorry)

I feel like i didn't do enough though oh well

Day 4 Pre AIT

5:42 am

Sup! I woke up extra early today so I could get some exercising in. I decided to start toning up my inner thighs as well as my upper body so I did planks, crunches, more planks, abductions, kicks, etc. etc. it took me about 45 minutes (including the time it took to search the moves) so I’m happy. I still have to walk and jog today...

400 calories is today’s limit! I have to go to church and then we are having the brunch. I decided to cut out unhealthy sht from my diet (it takes up a lot of calories anyway, so I’m kinda glad 🙃) I guess I’ll be eating only fruits and veggies today

Also, we are FINALLY leaving CZ after five weeks today/tomorrow. I can’t wait to get back home to my friends and my healthier lifestyle! (Uuughhhh I have homework to do for school ack and I have to run 7 miles in a race oh frick man) Hopefully the excersising will cause me to loose weight faster before high school eep skeet

8:46 pm
So I’m in the airport hotel! I had Thai salad for dinner (greens, soy sauce, and bamboo shoots, 100 cal.) and for the brunch I had <3 small plain pancakes (88 cal) cucumber (15 cal) and two slices of nectarines. (20 cal) and an apple (57 cal) soo that I think is about 280 calories? I went for a short walk this morning and there’s a fitness room in the hotel, so I did cardio in there for thirty minutes and then I was stretching and lifting >40 reps on a few of the machines. I feel so good after that workout! Wow I was surprised at how many calories I burned! Tomorrow I’m either having 1000 cal or fasting. I’ll have to check. both won’t be hard to do, but I always feel sick after a plane ride and food always helps so I guess the 1000 will be better

Ok so tomorrow is 1000 phew

Well I’ll be having some blueberries and going to sleep. I hope I can fit in a workout tomorrow morning!

Day 3 Pre AIT

10:51

Good morning

So I had some bread (151 cal) and a nectarine (68 cal) and tea with honey (40 cal) for breakfast.

600 today!!

Tomorrow we are having brunch so I’ll just eat fruits and veggies and keep track👍🏾👌🏽

YES we are going home tomorrow too!

It’s raining today so I can’t really go outside and exercise yet😢

3:31 pm

Hi so I went for a long distance walk/run and then I got into the pool (I didn’t eat anything after breakfast yet) it was really cold and then a thunderstorm came through so I decided to stay outside (I was FREEZING) so I could burn some extra calories from being cold. I have to go to some party later today and I’ll only have 300 cal. left to consume 🤷🏽‍♀️

10:17 pm
Ok so I had a lot of vegetables (peppers and cucumbers) and it only took up maybe 100 cal.

But then I had peanuts.

I didn’t have techlnology when I ate them, so I had maybe half a cup which was almost 600 cal.

Shiiiiiiiii*

But I during my run/walk I burned a lot so I burned off the stuff I had this morning but still.... I am so pissed off with myselfffff aaauugh

I went for another walk this afternoon and I decided I will start doing upper body workouts so I can tone my arms, abdomen, belly, waist, etc.

Ok it’s late post tomorrow

Day 2 Pre AIT

8:09 am
Hiiihello I’m hungry I think I’ll have some tea

I don’t think I should eat this morning, because when my mom arrived I’m sure we may have a large meal so I need to save the calories

Some thinspiration

8:37 am

Ok so I had a plain 117 cal. tortilla and a 21 g. chocolate chip cookie which equals 219 cal. All together! Ackkkk less that 600 cal. Left for meeeee noooo I’m also having tea so meep

12:33 pm

So I didn’t have tea 😭 the brewer was broken 🤕

I went for a three hour walk! I wish I knew how many calories I burned though😅

Google says if you walk for an hour you burn at least 1.6 calories for every pound of body weight sooo I did math and looks like I should have burned about 849.6 cal? (I’m a heavy boi) I feel like that’s wrong though

I bought ANOTHER 2 liter bottle of Coke Zero and drank the whole thing I almost threw up 

(No more Coke Zero for me lol) acpth (?)

8:33 pm

Ok so I had an apricot dumpling (147 cal.) and snacked on some other stuff and then I had tea for dinner

I went for a bike ride too and after my mom arrived we went for a walk (again) I kind of lost track of my calories so I just won’t eat anything else today

I was bored and I just started thinking about the movie “the croods”. I remembered when the family hunted the egg and when they passed it around and there wasn’t any left for the dad,  so he goes, “oh it’s ok, I at last week.” And I was like DANG that’s some thinspiration

Anyway sorry for my spelling and grammar mistakes it’s hard to type on a small screen keyboard 

I’ll finish my tea and continue watching this nature program ok see y’all tomorrow

Day 1 Pre AIT

Hi so I woke up around 8:15 this morning, excited and kind of sad that my new diet started!
So today’s limit is 1000 calories, which is going to be kinda easy for today...

But here in Europe they use kilo joules of kilo calories (kJ and kcal) so I’m going to have to keep converting the packaged items for a couple days before we return home. 🙄

My mom is coming to get my sister and I and staying for a few days which is NOT GOOD. She knows all the gimmicks I’ve done the past 2 or 3 years with dieting so if she finds the diets or notices I’m not stuffing my face like a pig then IT WILL BE THE END.

In fact, she was the reason some successful diets ended. I remember I went a week without eating over 1000 calories and it was going really well. She made food for us and I tried to get out of it, but she sat me down angrily and screamed at me until I ate something. There was this terrible feeling throbbing in my throat as I had to force myself to swallow. It is something that I will never forget.

Anyway, I decided to skip breakfast and maybe I’ll go outside and work to burn some calories.

Also, last night I used a cleaner sheet of paper to write down my diets and I would take a pic rn, but I’m too lazy. Oof I’ll have to be un-lazy ack Ok there is not much going on so I’ll write later adios👋🏽

10:36 am
Ok so I just had an apple (57 cal) and a cup of dried apricots. (305 cal) I thought the dried apricots were going to Ben under 100 calories but I was wrong. Jeez now I don’t have that much left 😕 I think I’ll go take a shower and go outside so I’m not tempted by anymore food !
12:30 pm
Ok so I had some potato soup (210 cal) for lunch and then took a really long walk. Then I went outside again to pick fruit and walked some more. After that hiked a bit and then drank A WHOLE FQUIN TWO LITER BOTTLE OF COKE ZERO. Only two calories, (they lied) but is was a lot. 😳
7:45 pm
After wards, I decided to cook some dinner for everyone, so I made veggie sauce with spaghetti and homemade tortilla chips. I had to taste some of it, which took up about 60 calories. (I just added 20 calories every time I tasted something) and then since I had plenty of calories left to the 1000, I had a tiny bowl along with some of the tortilla chips, which was 300. Then to be safe I didn’t eat any more. (I ate over 900 cal. already, so just in case I counted anything wrong I just left it that way) My grandparents bought giant meaty burritos for everyone (so no one except me ate the spaghetti) and th y kept asking me if I wanted one. Then my sister got ice cream and she kept tempting me with it. (Since I did have some cal. left, I ate like a molecule of it) and that’s it!
10:02 pm
Eep I really hope I can do this until the end of August! I start high school in September so I want to look good or at least better

I’m tired I’ll g to sleep ack 800 cal. tomorrow whatever gnight

Update to present

Ok so tomorrow, August 1st, I start a new diet. So I have figured out I have to slowly ease into a crazy diet and not just jump into one, because I don’t have any willpower.

So in the past (this year) I tried this Ana Boot Camp diet. It’s planned for eight weeks and the maximum calories are 400 a day 😧. I obviously broke out of it after a week. So I checked this website and it had the Ana boot camp diet, along with another Ana in training (let’s refer to it as AIT)  diet which was the easier version of the boot camp. (ABC) the maximum was I think 600 calories. Then there was ANOTHER one what was the easier version of AIT, which is called the Pre AIT diet. The maximum calories are 1000 and there are some cheat days. It’s planned for a month. So here are some pics I won’t add the ABC plan just yet so wish me luck for tomorrow! Thx y’all adios🤗

Pre AIT Diet plan

AIT Diet plan

Hopeful Beginning Second Part

Yeah so anyway, I came back to America from the Czech Republic (Czechia, whatever) sad because I wasn’t able to loose any weight, and like I already said, seventh grade started off pretty good anyway. Throughout the year I was trying and trying to loose the extra fat on me, this time understanding what anorexia really was and how to loose weight right. Of course I didn’t make any progress just like the recent year, so I tried to once again, loose weight in the summer time. This year I was visiting the Czech Republic again with my sister, and I lost 0 lbs. But, when I arrived, my grandparents patted me on the back and claimed that I lost weight. I was pretty flustered, because I thought I gained more than lost. Anyway, they were wrong.

I remember buying a dress while I was there and promising myself to loose weight before a school dance so I would look good in it. Of course I continued my on and off diet, so I ended up gaining weight like a normal growing teenager, which ruined the night for me.i went to CZ with a diet plan, eventually failing.

I was forced to enter a terrible day camp while I stayed. I kept considering fasting the whole week since most of the time I would be under the supervision of non-family members.About halfway through the week, I decided I would not eat lunch. So I prepared a plastic bag to throw the food in occasionally when no one was watching. So we arrived at this restaurant and I purposely sat in a dark corner to avoid anyone seeing me.

At first I was excited while I watched videos explaining how anorexic people hid their food; by cutting it up, throwing it up afterward, and hiding it. I thought it would be easy. Unfortunately I tend to be kind of empathetic in some situations, so I felt really bad that I had to discard my food when the smiling waiters cheerfully handed me a bowl of soup and steaming spaghetti. Anyway, I threw at least half the plate into the bag little bits at a time and cut up my food into smaller bits and prices, and sadly handed the plate to the waitress who came by with a “thank you.” Oof
Yep so I ended the fast after that.

The rest of the year wasn’t so successful. I know I made a plan at the beginning so I could loose weight for ballet. This year in December we were preforming “The Nutcracker”, and it was my level’s turn to take the biggest roles. I was the Dewdrop Fairy in flowers and, although I didn’t know before the summer started, I was determined to not look like a potato 🥔 this year.

Since the show was taking place in about a week, I realized i really should do something to shed a couple pounds. I discovered “water fasting”, which was the quickest way I would be able to lose at most 10 pounds in a week. So I started eating as little as possible starting Monday that week. It was pretty easy; I just skipped breakfast, ate nothing at school, and since my family didn’t really eat dinner together that much, i quad something really small to show them I wasn’t doing anything wrong and lied about the rest of the day. I went to sleep, angry that I had the small snack in the afternoon. Tuesday; I started the same way, and then I had dance. My classes end at 8 pm, so I easily got away without eating. I was so proud of myself when I went to bed that night with an empty stomach. It was the longest I’ve ever gone without food. The next day I ate nothing, patting myself on the back after feeling the hungry happiness of my two day fast. Thursday = 0 cal. Three days without food!! Three days! It was the first time ever I greedily boasted to my friends.. who weren’t that impressed. One threatened that she’d tell my parents about this if I go without food for one more day. I didn’t listen to her, and the next day I didn’t eat... but as soon as I arrived home I tormented myself with food videos, and eventually had a spoonful of peanut butter. OH MY GOD that peanut butter was so good.... but if was nothing compared to Howe pissed off I was with myself. Anyway, the next day I didn’t have very much, an apple with more peanut butter. I lost 14 pounds; mostly water weight.
That weekend I ate like a pig, but I somehow didn’t gain any weight.

The day of the show arrived. You didn’t see much of a difference in my appearance, but after I watched all video of myself, I noticed a very slight difference in my abdomen.

Anyway, I ended gaining all the weight back.😵🤮😫😭

But in February, I discovered intermittent fasting. I tried doing it for 8 hours a day. Then more, then more. I liked it a lot, because you just had to skip a few meals and eat whatever you want but after a certain time.

Soon I did it for 18 hours a day. I would wake up, no breakfast, go to school, not eat lunch, and at 3 o’clock I could eat whatever I wanted until 9 pm.

I loved it so much. I lost weight slowly, but if was something. The only downside was the weekends. I woke up later, so my mom would make me eat breakfast. Then lunch would be at home, not at school. I decided to do it only on weekdays.

I’m fact, I remember my dance teacher sat down next to me and asked me if I’ve been eating. I answered yes, and she said “Ok, but I think you’ve lost some weight. I see a difference in the side of your face... it’s getting much thinner.”

That was the best comment I ever recipeved from anyone on the face of this earth.

But sadly after a month or two I wasn’t able Tom keep it going during a vacation and it ended.

☹️😫😭

Nothing, nothing, nothing. I tried another diet which failed. April, May, June. School ended, and another ballet recital came up. I’m was the Mad Hatter in Alice in the Wonderland. I was a colorful potato. (Lol)

I left for CZ again. No diets; I don’t want to go through the pain of having anything fail again. So now I’m here, writing this. Ok finally I finished my shoddy past!! New post to the present coming right up!

Hopeful Beginning lol

Hi so I am another one of you guys who unfortunately struggle with weight and self image.😅 I won’t reveal my age Or personal info, but my mom just has “those” genes and she has always been larger, and I sadly have had those genes passed down to me. So I absolutely despise my weight (I’m overweight not obese but my weight in lbs is absolutely ridiculous), outer appearance, and attractiveness. (I will also try to refrain from revealing my weight right now although later if I loose any y’all can do the math😉) I was also born into a biracial couple (and I really want to bleach my skin haha) so I have always thought people may have referred to me as another one of those fat black kids. (I’m not completely black but have pretty brown skin so yeah)

Over the last three years i have tried to loose weight in certain ways. In about fifth grade I just plummeted. For me I moved to a new school, puberty started and so everything was changing; there were mean people in my class, I became so self conscious to the point that I considered running away, and I was always getting into some kind of trouble at home, school, and any other extracurricular activities. I didn’t have a phone although most of the other kids did, and my parents were quite protective of me so I wasn’t allowed to be exposed to social media or the internet.

I knew very little about dieting due to my mother who for many years did so, but I wasn’t really ready to give up food. I simply continued to secretly hate myself when one day my parents bought the amazing, the beautiful... Amazon tablet! I was glad I had access to some technology, like others, which boosted some of my self esteem. I was allowed to use it for school work which turned into Minecraft which turned into messaging certain people and musically. I  had a “friend” who was allowed to message with me, although she turned mean and vile and soon we got into a fight. She told me I was rude and worthless, and I agreed. My parents angrily told me to delete the app.

Her comments affected my relationship with the other people I hung out with that year. At some point I was so upset my teacher forced me into a counseling session. (That was the second session I’ve ever had in my entire life; 1st time was in kindergarten when I didn’t get the spot I wanted on the carpet in music class)

I am one of those people who just don’t want to bother any other people with their own personal problems. I’ve seen times were people just seem to depend on others for comfort and fixing. I believe that is kind of weak and that it is just best to learn how to do things independently. I already understood I was upset because I was not happy with myself; and I just lied during the counseling session so I could leave.

The rest of that fifth grade year just pissed me off. It was the worst year of my life, period. 🤬

Sixth grade was like a new light for me. Over the summer my parents bought an apple computer, so I
spent hours and hours on it, finding ways to loose weight. I found several google searches told me to eat less! Eat less! As sixth grade rolled in, I tried to eat as little as possible in one go, wondering how skinny I’ll get in one day. But I broke the fast almost as soon as I started it, realizing it’s much harder than it looks. I ate healthy, went vegetarian, went vegan, broke all of my commitments, and then I found what anorexia is. I was so happy to find it existed, looked at a couple pictures of anorexic girls, and thought I was ready to become anorexic. I went a week or two only eating a bite during the school day and dinner, but soon I just couldn’t go on without eating. I ate normally for a fem months and went back to my crazy weight loss program. 😂 I decided I would try again for the summer, but I kept saying to myself as I stuffed my face with food, “I’ll start tomorrow! “ A looong time passed of me doing that, and I tried not eating again right before summer started, and it didn’t work.

I was pretty sad that it didn’t go so well, since this year (2017) I was flying to Czech Republic all alone to meet my family. I wasn’t very confident in coming and showing my family how I fat I was, so I promised myself I would eat as little as possible during the five week trip and then present myself as precious  and tiny for sixth grade. Of course I was unable to do so. I ended up eating a lot while secretLy envying my skinny Czech friends. Seventh grade was a great year with great teachers, experiences, and new friends.

That year went on. I continued with my on and off new dieting techniques, and although I did loose some weight to my mature commitments, I gained it all back. I also did ballet almost my whole life and I was quite self conscious of my body when I danced. I also, as a typical adolescent girl would, got unwanted curves in some places. I hated it, so I in fact had ways of hiding my chest by wearing to sports bras and wearing one normally while allowing the support elastic band on the other one to rest in the middle of the area to hide the bust. I was is really emmberrasing and dumb now that I think abut it but it kinda worked lol

I also had a crush to motivate me with my weight loss just to add that in

Also on the last day of school I wore my bra normally and I was afraid people would go, “did they grow overnight or what??!” But they were small so I got no unwanted attention😉(please don’t judge haha)

This is really long so I’m gonna go to sleep now (I’m in Czech rn an it’s almost midnight and btw this is in 2019 but I havnt gotten there lol so I’ll finish this tomorrow gn)😪